Once a parent has moved into a care home, the hardest part of the journey does not always feel over. For many adult children, the weeks following the move bring their own wave of anxiety, guilt and uncertainty. Is she eating? Does he seem happy? Am I visiting too much or not enough? Did we make the right decision?
These feelings are natural, and they are shared by almost every family going through this transition. This article offers practical guidance on how to support a parent in settling in, what to expect from the process, and how to take care of yourself at the same time.
Understand That Settling In Takes Time
The most important thing to accept early on is that settling into a care home is rarely quick or linear. There will almost certainly be difficult days, especially in the first few weeks, and this does not mean the move was wrong or that your parent is permanently unhappy.
Most care homes find that residents go through a recognisable pattern of adjustment. The first days can feel disorienting and overwhelming. The first couple of weeks often involve sadness, asking to go home, and testing the boundaries of the new environment. By weeks three and four, many residents begin to find their footing as faces become familiar and routines take hold. By six to eight weeks, the majority have settled meaningfully, though some take considerably longer, particularly those living with dementia.
Knowing this pattern exists can help families avoid panicking during the difficult early phase and making rushed decisions based on an experience that simply needs more time.
Make Their Room Feel Like Theirs
One of the most practical things you can do before and immediately after move-in is to make your parent’s room feel personal and familiar. A room that feels like someone’s own space is far less disorienting than one that feels clinical or anonymous.
Things that make a real difference:
- Bringing meaningful photographs and arranging them where your parent can see them from their bed or chair
- Including a familiar blanket, cushion or item of furniture if the room has space
- Setting up the television in the same position as at home if possible
- Bringing a favourite mug or small personal items for the bedside
- Including something that engages the senses, such as a favourite fragrance, a familiar piece of music, or a plant they used to tend
For parents with dementia, familiar objects carry particular weight. A person may not always be able to say why something matters to them, but the comfort it provides is real and measurable in their mood and behaviour.
Get to Know the Care Team
The staff caring for your parent day to day are your greatest allies. Building a warm, open relationship with the team, and particularly with your parent’s key worker if the home uses this system, makes everything easier. You will get better information, concerns will be raised and resolved more quickly, and your parent will benefit from the consistency that comes when family and staff are working together rather than in parallel.
When you visit, take a moment to speak with whoever is on shift. Ask how your parent has been, what they have eaten, whether they joined any activities. Share information that helps the team understand your parent better, things they like and dislike, topics they enjoy talking about, what unsettles them. The care plan benefits enormously from the kind of detailed knowledge that only family can provide.
“Families who stay involved and communicate openly with our teams make an enormous difference to how well a resident settles in. We always want to know what family members are noticing and how they feel things are going. It is a partnership, and it works best when everyone is talking.”
Blissful Care Homes
Think Carefully About How You Visit
Visits matter enormously to residents, but how you visit matters as much as how often. A visit that ends with a distressed parent and a guilt-ridden adult child heading home in tears does not serve either of you well. A calm, warm visit that leaves your parent feeling loved and settled is what you are aiming for.
Some things that help:
- Try to visit at a consistent time when possible, so your parent begins to anticipate and look forward to it
- Arrive with something to do together rather than just sitting face to face, a shared activity, a familiar programme on television, a short walk in the garden or looking through old photographs can all ease the pressure of conversation
- Keep your own emotional state as calm as you can manage during the visit. Parents, particularly those with dementia, often pick up on the emotional energy of those around them even when they cannot follow the verbal content
- Have a clear and consistent goodbye routine. Saying goodbye in a warm, matter-of-fact way and leaving promptly is usually better than a prolonged, tearful departure
- Speak to the care team about what happens after you leave. Staff will often report that a resident who seemed distressed during a goodbye has settled quickly once the family has gone
Encourage Participation in Activities
Activities and social connection are among the most powerful factors in how well a person settles into a care home. A parent who finds something they enjoy, a craft group, a gentle exercise class, a music session, a regular conversation with a member of staff they like, has an anchor point in their new life that makes everything feel more manageable.
You can play a role in this by sharing detailed information with the activities team about your parent’s interests, past hobbies and what has brought them joy throughout their life. A former keen gardener may not be able to garden as they once did, but raised bed gardening, flower arranging or simply spending time in a well-kept garden can all connect to that same part of who they are.
Encourage your parent to try things gently, without pressure. Some people need several invitations before they engage, and that is fine.
Manage Your Own Guilt and Emotions
This is perhaps the part that is hardest to address directly, but it matters. Adult children who have made the decision to move a parent into a care home frequently describe a level of guilt that is disproportionate to the reality of the situation. They have typically spent months or years providing care, often at enormous personal cost, before reaching a point at which specialist residential care became necessary. And yet the guilt can feel overwhelming.
Some things worth reminding yourself:
- The decision was made out of love and in your parent’s best interests, not out of convenience or abandonment
- Your parent is now being cared for by a trained team around the clock in a way that was not possible at home
- Moving into a care home does not end your relationship with your parent. It changes it, and often for the better, as you can now simply be their child again rather than their full-time carer
- Your own health, relationships and life matter too. Looking after yourself is not selfish. It is what makes sustained, loving involvement possible
If guilt is significantly affecting your mental health, speaking to your GP or a counsellor can help. Organisations such as Carers UK and Age UK also offer support for family members navigating this transition.
“Our goal at Blissful Care Homes is happiness. That means happiness for our residents and as much reassurance as we can give to the families who trust us with the people they love. We never underestimate how hard this process is for everyone involved.”
Blissful Care Homes
Stay Involved in Care Decisions
Moving a parent into a care home does not mean handing over all responsibility for their wellbeing. Families who stay actively involved in care reviews, raise concerns promptly and maintain open communication with the team play a genuine role in the quality of care their parent receives.
Ask to be informed of any changes in your parent’s health, any falls or incidents, any changes to medication, and any upcoming reviews of the care plan. You are entitled to this information and a good care home will provide it proactively rather than waiting to be asked.
If something does not feel right, say so. The best care home relationships are ones in which families and staff communicate honestly and early, before small concerns become bigger ones.
What to Do if Your Parent Is Struggling to Settle
If after six to eight weeks your parent still seems genuinely and consistently unhappy, it is worth having an honest conversation with the home manager about what is and is not working. In some cases, small adjustments to routine, activities, room arrangement or staffing can make a significant difference. In others, the issue may be deeper and worth exploring more carefully.
It is also worth considering whether the home was the right fit in the first place. If your parent’s needs have changed significantly since the move, or if the home’s approach does not align with what your parent needs, a move to a different home may be the right answer. This is a significant decision and should not be taken lightly, but it is sometimes the right one. Our guide to choosing the right care home covers what to look for in a home that will be a good long-term fit.
Frequently Asked Questions
How often should I visit my parent in a care home?
There is no rule. Visit as often as feels right for both of you and as your own life allows. Consistency matters more than frequency. A parent who can rely on a visit every Wednesday afternoon will often find that more grounding than unpredictable daily visits that feel anxious or obligatory.
My parent keeps asking me to take them home. What should I say?
This is one of the most painful aspects of the settling-in period. Avoid saying that the care home is their home now, as this can feel dismissive. Instead, acknowledge how they feel, stay warm and present, redirect gently to something in the moment, and speak to the care team about how they manage this too. For parents with dementia, this request often diminishes over time as the home becomes familiar.
Should I visit every day at first?
Some care homes suggest a short period of less frequent visiting at the very start to allow the resident to begin building relationships with staff. Others encourage daily visits. Follow the advice of the home manager, who knows from experience what tends to work best, and trust your own instincts about what your parent needs.
My parent seems fine when I visit but the staff say they are unsettled at other times. Should I be worried?
Not necessarily. It is very common for residents to be on their best form during family visits. The fact that your parent rallies for you is a good sign, not a cause for concern. The care team’s observations of how your parent is throughout the day are valuable information, not a contradiction of what you see.
How can I help from a distance if I do not live nearby?
Regular phone or video calls can help maintain connection. Sending letters, cards or photographs gives care staff something tangible to share with your parent. Asking the home to send you updates by email or phone keeps you informed. Nominating a local family member or friend as a regular visitor, if there is someone willing and able, can also provide important on-the-ground reassurance.
We Are Here for the Whole Journey
At Blissful Care Homes, we understand that supporting a parent through a move into care is as much about the family as it is about the resident. Our teams at our homes across Leicester, Birmingham, Worcestershire and Middlesex are here to answer your questions, keep you informed and make sure you feel confident that your parent is being well looked after.
You may also find our articles on what to expect when moving into a care home and recognising when it may be time for a care home useful as you navigate this period.
